We are all paedophiles?
A lot of people get confused about why I wrote this paper and I must say although it was over two decades ago it still holds the powers to make people react in so many ways. Men, in a good way, women in a bad way, except for I have noticed, male abusers who have the same reaction as the women.
I've always wanted to share this and never dared... I suppose it was a personal diatribe of taking someone else's shit out of my head and something I as a bit of a helper was trying to get to the bottom of. As to how people can think in certain ways. A bit like a detective investigator Prime Suspect/Hannibal Lector, trying to solve something, by getting inside the person’s mentality. Like people are trying to do now with looking at the PIE thing and actively promoting infection.
So this is one bit of quick writing on the subject of child abuse, I think it's good to see what people think and I am a bit provocative or plain daring at times.
O.k. what happened to me was I met this really nice woman who was working in children’s rights investigating child abuse on serious levels like the police units are doing now, lets call her JW for the purposes of this and she said that when she looks at a child she sees sexual thoughts and told me an example, about a little boy of 6yrs. I was sorry for her but totally shocked and although I knew she was a good person I wish she never told me!! She totally infected my mind what a disaster, I couldn’t stop wondering why. Whilst trying to work it out and see things as she did, it started to happen. I kind of studied her mind and reaction to it, I felt her horror.
JW has been passed around a lot of adults as a child and ritualistically fucked as part of a game if say someone won a game of cards they'd get her to fuck at about 8 years old. So she had had a bit of a past and I was used to that as I’d heard it all from many cases I’d exposed before.
It is terrible though but we all try to get over the past… well hopefully.
“Thought is like burning desire contagious as fire
To think is to search
To live is to breathe
Or just be content with knowing…”
• Child abuse bother's me
• Child abuse affects/infected me
• Child abuse is not something I think about much
• Child abuse is something I think about a lot of the time
If you have committed child abuse this is not a paper written for you in fact there is no hope for you but to accept what you have done and to apologies to the child concerned and anyone else it has affected. You should think about moving away from your home comforts and networks and pledge never to do it again or hand yourself into the police as you are a liability.
You should never come into any contact with the person you have abused. You would be wise to move as far away as another country. So, at least when the child grows up they have no fear of meeting you. You should also put what you have done in writing so as the child realises that they were coerced by you, you with the power and for what ever reason the intention, explain it as you see it. Also, so as the child or adult by now can receive criminal injuries compensation or just peace of mind that the society see’s them as a victim, some justice so they don’t need to continue to explain endlessly to all who ask. Justice is very important to a victim. It puts the issue into the correct place for the immediate and extended family and for future questioners.
If you go to the police and hand yourself in, I think very hard labour for a very long time doing something that gives back to the society would be an appropriate role rather that in prison, which is often protected by segregation and I mean protected or even glamorised. Feeding into a self hate syndrome which offers no toil or repentance, no encouragement or enlightenment as to the depths one has sunken to.
If you decide to escape and to change your life, you should immediately seek work. With your earnings you should buy yourself a prostitute, this woman or man as the case may be must be an elite prostitute you must tell her you have sexual fantasies about fucking children and you are extremely terrified-stress-extreme-you could abuse a child-tell her (her for the purposes of the following-her-) you need sexual healing and wish to enquire if she can perhaps help you to really discover what turns you on that is adult and consenting. You are not necessarily looking for kinkiness, however you are prepared to try anything as long as it remains confidential, try everything! If and when you discover what turns you on slightly or fully you must have the confidence to ask for this. Do not settle for less, it may not prevent your mind from wandering at first but in time it may become as sexually exciting as fucking a child also what is in your mind is regardless as long as that's were it stays, some people think the strangest things when fucking! Make those thoughts safely released and not into a self loathing crime against a child.
I'm not exaggerating to say that paedophiles come in all shapes and sizes and from all walks of life. It is not a crime endemic of poverty or of wealth (although it is currently one of the largest money making industries) however if you believe in psychic powers or intuition you will know there is no hiding place for you. People will know one day what you are and justice will prevail, so do yourself some justice and sort it out, I call this the ‘seenya' complex- we know and believe you me, the walls will come tumbling down! If I can be bothered to give you any more of my precious time I'd then say seek with as much covert behaviour as you practice in getting children a partner or just settle for paying for your ‘new'- turn on – Ads in magazines could be a way.
Now my most worried fantasist, this paper is especially for you-
Say after me:
I am not a child abuser !!!!
I am not a chid abuser!!!!!
I am not a child abuser!!!!
I am not a child abuser!!!!
I am not a child abuser!!!!
The answer is to put it straight out of your head!
You know back in the day when I was a mad campaigner for children's rights there was a programme when this guy said on T.V., ‘yes but when my child sits on my lap I can sometimes get an erection, its embarrassing'-Brave man I thought hmmm!! I mean he said that on National T.V. Now with all my worldly knowledge I'd say-well innocently it's like a trigger for example love = erection.
So put it out of your head and enjoy the warmth of love, if paranoid about the erection it'll keep coming back!
You know if he kept thinking there was an erotic connection he'd think he could be an abuser and that would have him thinking more, making the paranoia connection stronger.
I am not a child abuser!!! And let those fucking thoughts go.
If you find you need to talk to someone please do this as it often works wonders.
The Art of Secrets Kept
They explode in your head
All the above and more can be expected.
• Panic, you get the ‘seenya' complex avoid people and their children especially. You want to cut your own head off to stop those awful thoughts. You become sexually inadequate can't express yourself.
• Paranoia, people will know, you suppose if you think therefore you are. You have a sexual experience and yes just as you thought you get off with a passing thought of a minor!
• Deception, you must hide, tinted (dark) glasses, strange conversations pertaining to child abuse, defence of abusers or defence of children but persistent conversation.
• Stuttering, can't speak with a child or to a parent, freak when confronted with them even on the street, or your with own being horrible to them or too bloody nice.
Visions, you're thinking about it constantly. You’re abusing the child before you the visions are slapping you in the face they're so persistent, you want them to stop, you’re suicidal and they won't stop!
Tell somebody… say, 'do you know I am not a child abuser and never will be' and then stop thinking about it and be proud, thank yourself, you aren't and never will be
Something is definitely wrong.
Your obsessed-many reasons why.
I once said to this guy, ‘you know you are not a child abuser and never will be but at least' I said ‘you bothered to think about it’ He needed to hear that', we talked openly (luckily for my intuition) he was also abused and paranoid on the much over hyped issue that he could possibly abuse and had no one to talk to about it.
It is like all obsessions kept secret (especially) I mean how do you confess to your friends or family you once had a bad thought re: a child … I DON'T THINK SO!!
I mean how do you stop your partner in the middle of sex and say ‘no I can't go on a child just popped into my head.
I mean imagine having a wonderful orgasm and instead of exploding it felt like an implosion of self destruction and of course that's what it is.
What if, you go with it, don't feel guilty- well why you’re with a consenting adult. You are and never will be an abuser.
- YOU KNOW THE THOUGHTS WILL GO EVENTUALLY–
Guy who thought about it only thought, haven't you thought of robbing a store or killing someone eh? I think when I said to him ‘at least you thought about it' he felt absolved, like I gave him some sort of confession and emotional release.
Undercover thought in sex, things can slip out, your partner gets suspicious perhaps there is some transference. Who knows what or who she's thinking of, don’t be hard on yourself. TALK if you must or just carry on, you could cry or laugh or think of a new turn on! Just work on it even if it takes forever.
I think therefore I am, NOT. Have you ever daydreamt of 100 different careers - I am an astronaut - I don't think so! Your nuts if you think you’re a billionaire when you’re actually a janitor. So your nuts if you think you're a paedophile and are actually a nurse for sick children. You are what you are and not what you think you might be.
Liking children is quite normal-have you ever thought you may be better with them than a lot of people are and you love to chat with them and find them lovely. However liking and being responsible are two different disciplines- you may not be as good as you think. Read some books, talking tapes on child development, boundaries, disciplines and their comprehension of adults, their natural manipulations also it can be said!! Be yourself, if you are great with kids be great with kids, don’t get paranoid because others are or the society suddenly says you can’t be normal.. be yourself.
Teach and talk but then move on unless of course you are so obsessed with child abuse you must do something about it. You can lobby parliament, write about it all, do a film, art, campaign for children’s rights, join a survivors group, get some counselling, go to the doctor, talk to a friend, get a prostitute do something or just recover by giving to yourself. We are now a society that have thought awareness of this issue and these thought’s are an assault on our senses by a highly infectious popular media who are doing nothing much to change the situation, they are interested in their sales!! Say NO!
For what you have been through
Is as deep as wounds get
Saturated in tears
This universe is still wet
Heal us for we cannot forget