We are all paedophiles?
A lot
of people get confused about why I wrote this paper and I must say although it
was over two decades ago it still holds the powers to make people react in so
many ways. Men, in a good way, women in a bad way, except for I have noticed,
male abusers who have the same reaction as the women.
I've
always wanted to share this and never dared... I suppose it was a personal
diatribe of taking someone else's shit out of my head and something I as a bit
of a helper was trying to get to the bottom of. As to how people can think in
certain ways. A bit like a detective investigator Prime Suspect/Hannibal Lector, trying to solve
something, by getting inside the person’s mentality. Like people are trying to do
now with looking at the PIE thing and actively promoting infection.
So this
is one bit of quick writing on the subject of child abuse, I think it's good to
see what people think and I am a bit provocative or plain daring at times.
O.k.
what happened to me was I met this really nice woman who was working in
children’s rights investigating child abuse on serious levels like the police units are doing now, lets call her JW for the purposes of this and she said that
when she looks at a child she sees sexual thoughts and told me an example,
about a little boy of 6yrs. I was sorry for her but
totally shocked and although I knew she was a good person I wish she never told
me!! She totally infected my mind what a disaster, I couldn’t stop wondering
why. Whilst trying to work it out and see things as she did, it started to
happen. I kind of studied her mind and reaction to it, I felt her horror.
JW has
been passed around a lot of adults as a child and ritualistically fucked as
part of a game if say someone won a game of cards they'd get her to fuck at
about 8 years old. So she had had a bit of a past and I was used to that as I’d
heard it all from many cases I’d exposed before.
It
is terrible though but we all try to get over the past… well hopefully.
“Thought
is like burning desire contagious as fire
To
think is to search
To
live is to breathe
Hells
fire
Or
just be content with knowing…”
• Child
abuse bother's me
• Child
abuse affects/infected me
• Child
abuse is not something I think about much
• Child
abuse is something I think about a lot of the time
If you
have committed child abuse this is not a paper written for you in fact there is
no hope for you but to accept what you have done and to apologies to the child
concerned and anyone else it has affected. You should think about moving away
from your home comforts and networks and pledge never to do it again or hand
yourself into the police as you are a liability.
You
should never come into any contact with the person you have abused. You would
be wise to move as far away as another country. So, at least when the child
grows up they have no fear of meeting you. You should also put what you have
done in writing so as the child realises that they were coerced by you, you
with the power and for what ever reason the intention, explain it as you see
it. Also, so as the child or adult by now can receive criminal injuries
compensation or just peace of mind that the society see’s them as a victim,
some justice so they don’t need to continue to explain endlessly to all who
ask. Justice is very important to a victim. It puts the issue into the correct
place for the immediate and extended family and for future questioners.
If you
go to the police and hand yourself in, I think very hard labour for a very long
time doing something that gives back to the society would be an appropriate
role rather that in prison, which is often protected by segregation and I mean
protected or even glamorised. Feeding into a self hate syndrome which offers no
toil or repentance, no encouragement or enlightenment as to the depths one has
sunken to.
If you
decide to escape and to change your life, you should immediately seek work. With
your earnings you should buy yourself a prostitute, this woman or man as the
case may be must be an elite prostitute you must tell her you have sexual
fantasies about fucking children and you are extremely
terrified-stress-extreme-you could abuse a child-tell her (her for the purposes
of the following-her-) you need sexual healing and wish to enquire if she can
perhaps help you to really discover what turns you on that is adult and
consenting. You are not necessarily looking for kinkiness, however you are
prepared to try anything as long as it remains confidential, try everything! If
and when you discover what turns you on slightly or fully you must have the
confidence to ask for this. Do not settle for less, it may not prevent your
mind from wandering at first but in time it may become as sexually exciting as
fucking a child also what is in your mind is regardless as long as that's were
it stays, some people think the strangest things when fucking! Make those
thoughts safely released and not into a self loathing crime against a child.
I'm not
exaggerating to say that paedophiles come in all shapes and sizes and from all
walks of life. It is not a crime endemic of poverty or of wealth (although it
is currently one of the largest money making industries) however if you believe
in psychic powers or intuition you will know there is no hiding place for you.
People will know one day what you are and justice will prevail, so do yourself
some justice and sort it out, I call this the ‘seenya' complex- we know and believe
you me, the walls will come tumbling down! If I can be bothered to give you any
more of my precious time I'd then say seek with as much covert behaviour as you
practice in getting children a partner or just settle for paying for your
‘new'- turn on – Ads in magazines could be a way.
Now my
most worried fantasist, this paper is especially for you-
Say
after me:
I
am not a child abuser !!!!
I
am not a chid abuser!!!!!
I
am not a child abuser!!!!
I
am not a child abuser!!!!
I
am not a child abuser!!!!
The
answer is to put it straight out of your head!
You
know back in the day when I was a mad campaigner for children's rights there
was a programme when this guy said on T.V., ‘yes but when my child sits on my
lap I can sometimes get an erection, its embarrassing'-Brave man I thought
hmmm!! I mean he said that on National T.V. Now with all my worldly knowledge
I'd say-well innocently it's like a trigger for example love = erection.
So put
it out of your head and enjoy the warmth of love, if paranoid about the
erection it'll keep coming back!
You
know if he kept thinking there was an erotic connection he'd think he could be
an abuser and that would have him thinking more, making the paranoia connection
stronger.
So…
I
am not a child abuser!!! And let those fucking thoughts go.
If
you find you need to talk to someone please do this as it often works wonders.
The
Art of Secrets Kept
They
explode in your head
Panic
Paranoia
Deception
Stuttering
Visions
All
the above and more can be expected.
• Panic,
you get the ‘seenya' complex avoid people and their children especially. You
want to cut your own head off to stop those awful thoughts. You become sexually
inadequate can't express yourself.
• Paranoia,
people will know, you suppose if you think therefore you are. You have a sexual experience and yes just as you thought you get
off with a passing thought of a minor!
• Deception,
you must hide, tinted (dark) glasses, strange conversations pertaining to child
abuse, defence of abusers or defence of children but persistent conversation.
• Stuttering,
can't speak with a child or to a parent, freak when confronted with them even
on the street, or your with own being horrible to them or too bloody nice.
Visions,
you're thinking about it constantly. You’re abusing the child before you the
visions are slapping you in the face they're so persistent, you want them to
stop, you’re suicidal and they won't stop!
Tell
somebody… say, 'do you know I am not a child abuser and never will be' and then
stop thinking about it and be proud, thank yourself, you aren't and never will
be
BUT
Something
is definitely wrong.
Your
obsessed-many reasons why.
I once
said to this guy, ‘you know you are not a child abuser and never will be but at
least' I said ‘you bothered to think about it’ He needed to hear that', we
talked openly (luckily for my intuition) he was also abused and paranoid on the
much over hyped issue that he could possibly abuse and had no one to talk to
about it.
It is
like all obsessions kept secret (especially) I mean how do you confess to your
friends or family you once had a bad thought re: a child … I DON'T THINK SO!!
I mean
how do you stop your partner in the middle of sex and say ‘no I can't go on a
child just popped into my head.
I mean
imagine having a wonderful orgasm and instead of exploding it felt like an
implosion of self destruction and of course that's what it is.
What
if, you go with it, don't feel guilty- well why you’re with a consenting adult.
You are and never will be an abuser.
- YOU
KNOW THE THOUGHTS WILL GO EVENTUALLY–
G.U.I.L.T.
Guy who thought about it only thought, haven't you thought
of robbing a store or killing someone eh? I think when I said to him ‘at least
you thought about it' he felt absolved, like I gave him some sort of confession
and emotional release.
Undercover thought in sex, things can slip out, your partner
gets suspicious perhaps there is some transference. Who knows what or who she's
thinking of, don’t be hard on yourself. TALK if you must or just carry on, you
could cry or laugh or think of a new turn on! Just work on it even if it takes
forever.
I think therefore I am, NOT. Have you ever daydreamt of 100
different careers - I am an astronaut - I don't think so! Your nuts if you
think you’re a billionaire when you’re actually a janitor. So your nuts if you
think you're a paedophile and are actually a nurse for sick children. You are
what you are and not what you think you might be.
Liking children is quite normal-have you ever thought you
may be better with them than a lot of people are and you love to chat with them
and find them lovely. However liking and being responsible are two different
disciplines- you may not be as good as you think. Read some books, talking
tapes on child development, boundaries, disciplines and their comprehension of adults,
their natural manipulations also it can be said!! Be yourself, if you are great
with kids be great with kids, don’t get paranoid because others are or the
society suddenly says you can’t be normal.. be yourself.
Teach and talk but then move on unless of course you are so
obsessed with child abuse you must do something about it. You can lobby
parliament, write about it all, do a film, art, campaign for children’s rights,
join a survivors group, get some counselling, go to the doctor, talk to a
friend, get a prostitute do something or just recover by giving to yourself. We
are now a society that have thought awareness of this issue and these thought’s
are an assault on our senses by a highly infectious popular media who are doing nothing much to change the situation, they are interested in their sales!! Say NO!
For
what you have been through
Is as
deep as wounds get
Saturated
in tears
This
universe is still wet
Hold us
Heal us
for we cannot forget
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